In Part One of this two part post, we explored the beginnings of connecting with another person, and more specifically with our children even before they are born. If you missed it, you can read it here.
The critical step of building the connection before the person is even here, is the most fundamental aspect of a deep and beautiful parent-child relationship. We rarely get this opportunity with any other relationship outside of our own children. Sometimes it does occur with our siblings if they are born after us.
This unique connection to our children in which we have very consciously and thoughtfully put together in the months before our child is born is part of what I refer to as an emotional ‘bridge’ that we then can transfer all the beautiful aspects that we want to put into our relationship. This bridge can be powerful if it is purposeful, and it is deep. Now this is the clincher – if it is unconditional, it is amazing!
The Hugeness of Unconditional Love
I have found that our “connection” to another person is the only thing that can truly be unconditional. Unconditional is a huge word – it means that nothing breaks it, and that there is no condition upon which it will disconnect. That is indeed big, but not impossible.
Many people speak of ‘unconditional love’. In fact, though, that beautiful concept unfortunately in most cases comes with some degree of performance attached to it and can break shockingly easily in some instances.
All aspects of a relationship, such as those mentioned in the opening Part 1, can break given the right circumstances. How many of us make seemingly strong commitments, promises and statements of unconditional love, support or trust? Certainly, most every marriage has commitments like that embedded in the wording of their vows. We often tell our family members we will never not love them – yet it certainly does happen. We will easily tell our very best friend that we will always trust them and that also fails all too often. Our sincere wish and belief to do what we say and our capacity to commit to these aspects of relationship can be very strong and survive many challenges, but it is not necessarily ‘unconditionally’ unbreakable.
In my experience the only thing that has the real possibility of being unconditional is the intended “connection” that we hold and put in place at some point in the relationship. No matter how challenging the operative aspect of the relationship becomes we can still remain connected if we have committed to that as an unconditional mindset. If it is put in place without the trappings and performance-based behavior, then it has a chance.
Even if we feel that a person has completely destroyed the relationship in some way, we can still feel the connection if we truly want it. Even death does not necessarily disconnect us. Emotional and physical separation do not always destroy the connection either, especially if we began it in deep sincerity and commitment.
The Value of Connection
Connection is the most valuable of all relationship aspects that we can establish with our children, and if set in place with enough commitment and conviction it will not break.
Connection is really the only thing that compels us to grow as humans, to grow beyond our initial starting place and move towards our ultimate potential. This cannot happen in a vacuum – growing takes contact and connection with other humans.
The nearly universal desire to connect and the life commitment to support that connection holds us together.
Without connection we cannot evolve our life force, our spirit, or our human consciousness. It is truly the only critical effort we make as humans, especially with our children. And it’s truly the only thing that has the potential to be “unconditional”.